


Step Back and Watch it Burn

by gothgarage



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Amity is the only character actually present everyone else is just there in her memories, Angst, Dissociation, F/F, InnerAmity!AU, Mental Abuse, Physical Abuse, So much angst, Trauma, amity has a lil crush on luz, amity just kills off her younger self in her own mind, technically character death but not really??, the blights being awful parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothgarage/pseuds/gothgarage
Summary: Based off of mikella_star’s(on insta) Inner Amity AU! Just a take on a few core events in Amity’s mind. Much angst, but a slightly happy ending I suppose.
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This bounces back and forth between what Amity is experiencing irl vs. what’s going on inside her head. Hopefully it’s not too hard to follow haha

Amity sat on the plastic covered couch in her living room as her 8th birthday party bustled around her. Kids of her parents friends played games as the adults chatted with fancy cocktails in hand. She felt the backs of her thighs glue to the cellophane couch cover where her skirt rode up in the back. This was her birthday and she didn’t want any part of it if Willow couldn’t be here. A familiar pain twinged deep in her chest, the kind she felt when her parents took things away from her. She felt it last year when her mother took her stuffed bunny, Otabin, that she had ever sense she was a baby because she was ‘too old to be playing with toys.” She felt it a few months ago when her father took the door off of her room because they read her diary and found out she had lied to them about getting a good grade on a school assignment that she actually failed. Her parents then deemed that privacy was a privilege she had to earn back. But this felt different. They took her friend, her only friend. She heard a voice in the back of her head ‘Amity look around, your surrounded by friends’. She looked up at the kids running around her living room, playing with balloons and stupid party games. ‘I don’t even know most of them.’ She thought back to herself. They were all kids her parents wanted her to be friends with, the only real friend she has is Willow. ‘The only real friend I had’ she mentally corrected herself. For a moment Willows face flashed into her mind, right before she ran from Amity’s house crying. Her big round eyes sopping with tears rolling down her soft cheeks, flushed red with embarrassment. Amity felt a punch of guilt hit her like a wave. ‘I really hurt her’ ‘she must hate me now’ ‘i feel so alone’ the thoughts started to become overwhelming. Memories of her best friend began to flood her mind, consuming all her thoughts. The room she was in faded away, then insesive guilty thoughts filled her ears, drowning out the roar of the children playing, the clinking of glasswear, and adults gossiping.   
———  
Small black ballet flats pitter pattered back and forth in front of the entrance of the hallway. Amity kept her eyes low, she was afraid to look into the new painting that had just been created at the front of the hall. She glanced her eyes to the top of the door way where Willows name was, etched into a shiny gold placker. It stung deep in her chest to read that name, it just spelled out pain now. The small brunette finally took a deep breath and entered the hall, looking into the fresh painting next to the entryway. It was of Willows face when right before she ran out of the Blights house. Her eyes were wet and sloppy tears were rolling down her big round cheeks. Amity felt immense guilt. This was her fault. “I hurt her so badly.” She didn’t even want to look into the painting to play the scene back, it would be too painful. Too condemning. “It’s all my fault.” Her vision grew dark and inky black tears began to streak down her face and plop into her shirt. She reached up to wipe her eyes and saw her fingertips spark into a bright purple flame. It scared the young witch until she realized that it didn’t burn, in fact it didn’t feel like anything at all. The fire spread from her fingertips and engulfed her entire hand. It felt calming to watch it flicker back and forth, she thought. Amity brought her attention back to the painting in front of her. It hurt her so badly to look into the eyes of the only friend she has. “Only friend I had.” She corrected herself. She looked down and noticed her hands close to the bottom of the picture, the flames causing the edges of the painting to curl and fray. She touched the bottom corner of the canvas and watched it become engulfed with flames. She felt the guilt go away. Out of sight, out of mind. Purple flames wash over Willows face and burned a hole directly through. All of a sudden Amity couldn’t really remember why she felt so upset. Until she turned and was faced with another painting, this one of her and Willow in the fort they had built together on the beach to hide from swim lessons. The pain twinged back. She held her hand to the middle of the painting and watched it turn to ash. Amity quickly whipped around and ran to the end of the hallway, to her first memory of Willow when they met in pre-k. The painting was of them at nap time sharing a mat. She felt the pain again, the realization that she’ll never be that happy with her best friend again. She burned the memory. And the one next to it. And the one across from it. Soon the whole hallway rose up into purple flames. Amity once again stood at the entryway of what was Willows hall, but this time was completely still as she watched it burn. She felt a little lighter.   
———  
“Amity? Hello?”   
The youngest Blight snapped her head up to look at the person before her. It was Bosha, a girl her parents picked out for her to be friends with. They had a few play dates with in the past. “It’s time for cake, everyone’s in the other room already, hurry up!” The pink haired witch pulled at amity’s hand. Amity glanced around the room, everyone had left and she didn’t even notice. “Come on!” Another tug at her arm. Amity shook her head to herself, she must have zoned out. What was she even thinking about? ‘It doesnt matter’ She thought to herself as she peeled herself up from the couch, letting Bosha pull her into the Manors large dining room for birthday cake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity’s mother dyes her hair and it’s officially the final straw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:mentions and descriptions of child abuse! Also technically a character death, even though it’s just in Amity’s mind.  
> Please be safe and don’t read this if the content might upset you!

A no more than 12 year old Amity was spun around to face the mirror in her mother’s bathroom. What she saw finally broke something in her. “Don’t you love it Amity, now you finally look like a proper Blight.” Odalia placed a firm hand on her daughters shoulder as she admired at her handiwork in the mirror. Amity on the other hand winced internally at the sight before her. As if her self esteem wasn’t bad enough, she felt so ugly as she reached up to touch a piece of mint green hair that was resting against her cheek. It felt crispy and damaged from all the bleach her mother had to use to get the ginger undertones out of her old brunette hair. “Y-yeah I love it.” She said with a smile, lying through her teeth. “I can’t wait to show your father and siblings when they get home, I’m sure they’ll love it too.” Her mother said as she brushed a hand through her daughter’s hair, her manicured nails scratching Amity’s scalp and the back of her neck as she did so. Amity nodded her head as she held back tears. Her face felt like it was burning, she hated how ugly she felt. She hated that her mom suddenly approved of her now solely because she was ‘color coordinated’. It made her sick to her stomach. “Mother, may I go? I have a few more homework assignments to complete before school tomorrow.” Amity lied, she had no more homework she just needed out right now. “Of course honey.” Odalia replied, her voice sounding sickening to Amity’s ears. She always hated when her parents tried to use nicknames for her, it felt so fake when the same people who called her mittens, sweetie and honey also called her a disappointment,  
disgrace, and a mistake. Amity flashed her mother one more fake smile before booking it back to her bedroom. She started to disassociate halfway there. Amity didn’t remember collapsing on the hardwood floor of her bedroom as soon as she locked the door behind her.  
———  
A still brunette Amity stood staring at the new painting that appeared in the hallway of memories from her parents. It was of her, sure, but it didn’t look anything like herself. She felt so incredibly disconnected from the witch in the painting. She wanted to walk away but just couldn’t bring herself to. It all just felt wrong. She wanted to feel angry but just couldn’t anymore, the years of mental and physical abuse had finally broken her down into a completely numb shell of a witch. She officially deemed herself broken, stepping back and slumping down against the adjacent wall to curl up into a ball on the dark hardwood floor. A hand with black painted nails reached out of the new painting, grabbing the bottom picture frame to help pull herself out of the memory. This Amity had dyed hair and a scowl on her face. Green haired Amity immediately felt her hands flare up as they had in the past when she burned Willows hallway, slapping her hand against the new painting she came out of, directly burning a hole right through. The brunette Amity looked up in shock, she had always been alone in here, even when she did go into memories to rewatch them never interacted with the scenes personally. She watched in horror as the green haired version of herself’s eyes turned black and scowled down at her. Green haired Amity flicked pink flames across the hall to the painting on the wall above brunette Amity’s head, immediately engulfing the frame in bright flames. Brunette Amity scrambled away from the fire, it felt actually felt hot. ‘The flames never felt hot before?’ She thought as she looked back up to the new version of herself. She immediately managed to get to her feet and start running down the hallway, as far away from this new Amity as possible. As the ran she took in the memories hanging on the walls around her. ‘Oh, that was the time mom locked me in the backyard for the night for failing that test.’ She bounded down the hardwood. ‘And that was when she gave me a black eye for talking back at the dinner table.’ She winced and held a hand to her left eye as she continued to run. ‘Shit, that was when dad drowned me at the lake house. He said it was to toughen me up.’ She stood still for a moment. “He did always hold my head underwater just a little bit too long.” She said aloud with a sigh. “Every one of these memories are horrible.” She felt a wall of heat against her back her as she turned around and was now faced with a wall of purple fire. The green haired Amity emerged from the flames. “Dad did always say grow up weak or grow up tough.” She shrugged as she spoke to her brunette counterpart. “Why are you doing this?!” Brunette Amity yelled as tears began to sting the corners of her molten gold eyes. “It’s for our own good. They deserve to be forgotten.” Green Amity said as she slapped a hand against the painting of her father drowning her as a child. The flames shot down the whole wall, burning every painting along the way, shooting up to the ceiling and spreading to the opposite wall. Brunette Amity was trapped in a tunnel of fire. “Please stop! It burns!” Brunette Amity screamed as she dropped to the floor, the temperature felt so high to her but her green haired counterpart seemed to be completely unaffected. All the paintings were either completely charred or were engulfed in flame, and past Amity was going down with it. Inky black tears streaked down green haired Amity’s face as she turned away from her younger self, making her way out of the hallway, completely unscathed by the inferno she created. The pleading and screaming of her old self became blocked out by the sound of flames whooshing and roaring around her until she was officially silenced for good. Amity was no longer a child anymore.  
———  
She woke up to a knocking on her bedroom door and a pounding headache. “Mittens! Mom called dinner like 20 minutes ago! You good?” It was Emira. Amity rubbed her eyes, they felt wet. ‘I was crying?’ “Mittens? You in there?” The knocking grew louder. It made Amity’s head pound even harder in her skull. “Yeah, just a second!” She yelled back as she rose to her feet and walked over to her vainity, still jarred by the green mop that was now her hair. She took a moment to make herself look as if she didn’t just sob on the floor for who knows how long. Brushed her hair, which broke and fell out as she ran the brush though. ‘Take a deep breath.’ She did as she as told herself as she opened the door, mentally preparing herself for the slew of questions her siblings where about to give her about her new hair.  
“Woah! Mittens it looks so good!”  
‘yeah sure.’  
“Haha, thanks!”


	3. Chapter 3

Amity made it home from the Owl Shack after an excruciatingly long day. She had really messed up today, burning Willows memories to hide that they were ever friends was really a new low for her. Burning her own mind to the ground was one thing but she took it to far. It hung heavy on her, that feeling of guilt that she hasn’t felt in years crept in. All she ever did was hurt Willow. She really did love Willow, she still does, but making those connections again felt like an impossible task that would involve reopening many old wounds, so she just avoided it. Until today, having to go into Willows mind with Luz to fix her biggest fuckups. It was humiliating to have Luz see how awful of a person Amity actually was to Willow. ‘Why does Luz’s opinion matter so much to me?’ She thought to herself. Lately Luz’s opinion of her made her so self conscious. ‘Why the hell do I care so much about what she thinks?’ she sighed and thought to herself. Now of course everything had turned out fine, Willow has her memories back and Amity made a few amends, ‘But why do I still feel so shitty?’ she asked herself. Amity though about all this as she made her way from the front door of the manor all the way to her bedroom on the opposite side of the mansions upstairs wing. She locked her door behind her and immediately threw herself into bed. Her head felt heavy against her pillow as she fell into a deep sleep.  
———  
Inner Amity was paseing up and down the hallways of her mind, occasionally peeking into a corridor for a moment or two before finding somewhere else to go. She stumbled upon Willow and Luz’s hallways, both right across from eachother. Though Luz’s hall was relatively new, it was still chocked full of picture frames or moments they shared together. She sighed as she looked to the other end of the main hallway to face Willows hall. There was a new painting up, one of Willow hugging Luz when she woke up and thanked Amity for helping to restore her memories. Amity felt a twinge of jealousy seeing Willow hug Luz. ‘What the hell? Why?’. Amity thought best not to think to hard on that. She stepped slightly into Willows hall, admiring the few new memories that had been hung up on the walls within the past few months. It was still easy to see the obvious cut off of memories where Amity had thrown a tantrum and burned them all down years ago She didn’t even remember that she had done that until Willow starting asking her about things they did together when they were little and outer Amity could barely remember. She walked down the hall and traced her fingertips along the burnt frame of one of the paintings. It sucked that she lost all of those memories, but they were too far gone to try to revive. There was that guilty feeling in her gut again, she quickly turned around on her heels and left Willows hall, just to be met by the entryway of Luz’s hallway. She lovingly sighed as she gazed at the golden placard with Luz’s name etched in it above the doorway. Then she caught herself smiling. “What. the. fuck.” She said out loud, shaking her head and walking away from Luz’s hall. She stopped after a few steps away and sighed “Well...a peek won’t hurt.” She convinced herself as she turned back to head down the humans hallway. The green haired witch felt strangely drawn to it as of late. Turning the corner to the hall she stumbled across a new memory painting hung right by the entryway, depicting her and Luz holding hands in the living room of the Owl Shack before they entered Willows mind. Amity felt her eyes widen and her cheeks flush as she walked right past it, paying no mind to the flutter in her stomach. She ended up in front the painting from the covention, of Luz showing her the light spell. It made her smile until the looked to the photo on the wall adjacent to that one, also from the covention, when she forced Luz into a witches duel and made her denounce being a witch at all. Amity felt really shitty all of a sudden. “I was such a bitch to Luz, why does she give me the time of day?’. The witch sighed and moved on, coming across the memories from the library incident. She stuck her face into a picture frame and caught sight of her past self busting Luz and the twins for going through her diary. She watched herself scramble to put loose pages back into her diary. “Your a bully, Luz.” her memory self said to Luz before running off. The scene cut there but Amity knew that she went back to her bedroom at home to cry about it afterwards. She pulled her face out of the memory and sighed “I mean, I guess Luz wasn’t all the nice to me either.” She turned her attention to a more recient memory hung on the adjacent wall, it was of them at the knee after they saved Eda and the Twins. Amity felt a smile come to her lips as she walked towards it. Luz had a big goofy smile painted on her face, her cute little round ears and cheeks flushed red from the cold temperatures. “Cute?” Amity froze and asked herself. She swallowed hard. The butterflies in her stomach started up again, but she caught herself before she let herself indulge in the feeling. She stepped back, throwing her head into her hands as if to hide her own flushed face, quickly changing her demeanor to a more serious one to snap out of it. “No. no no no, I can’t. I can’t like the human this much.” She shook her head. “This is stupid. I’m so fucking dumb.” Her eyes glazed over in black. “I don’t have time for this shit, theres so much more important shit to deal with. She’s just a distraction. I don’t need this. I don’t need her.” Purple flames caught and danced around her fingertips before spreading down her palms. The witch let out a heavy sign as she held her hand out to the painting in front of her, merely inches away from the delicate canvas. Black tears began to streak down her pale face, plopping down into the hardwood floor at her feet. “I...I don’t want to forget about Luz.” She pulled her hand away from the painting, leaving it intact. “I can’t forget about her, I love her.” Amity slapped a hand over her mouth after she said those last few words. Her flames died down and her eyes turned back to their usual molten gold, wet tears still dripping from her chin. She fell to the floor as she placed her head in her hands. “I love her.” Amity whispered to herself as she wiped away the tears from her eyes, looking back up at the memory she was about to destroy. She took in every little detail of Luz’s face. The way her eyes squinted a little when she smiled so wide,  
the way the little hairs on the back of her neck pinged and curled out of place, and her eyes. Amity could get lost in those deep brown eyes forever. And for few moments she did.  
‘Maybe..maybe this isn’t so bad.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the final chapter of this! I didn’t expect to write anything too long, but if people like it maybe Ill think about a continuation👌


End file.
